Sugar Milk

I said I needed to post something - so here’s something….

Listening: My Climb playlist - based off of “Climb” by Mos Def. This has to be some of the smoothest hip hop ever.

Reading: Re-reading Shackling Waters by Adam Mansbach. It deserves it.

Doing:  Going over my expenses for just one day and preparing myself for this weekend adventure.

Eating: Garbage. A ton of garbage. Otherwise a chipotle chicken sandwich from Burger King.

Drinking: approximately 32 ounces of water. I’ve been drinking soda all day and my face is glowing with evidence. It doesn’t help that I’m due for a visit to the hairdresser.

Wearing: that white thermal with the hole that looks like a stain because it’s not quite a hole yet. And those extra thick comfy black sweatpants that has too much keychain in it.

Feeling: almost completely overwhelmed. I’m overthinking. A little tired. Distracted - but only by things I ought be distracted by.

Weather: Parly cloudy skies. Clear mostly. 50­°F and the window fan is spinning steady. 

Wanting: My passion back. For everything. I hope this excursion helps with that. I need it bad.

Needing: To revisit my goals created earlier this year. I swear the amount of money I spent in the past month got me questioning the hypocrisy associated with this “minimalist” lifestyle of mine. (file under: call Tyra-Girl)

Thinking: Can I do something right while at work? Will they call me when I’m gone? How long will I sleep? Why does my calendar say “Nothingness” and I’ve been doing - “everything”. My fashion sense. My perception and regard to sex.

Enjoying: My clean clothes. My evening. 

1. i went to a celtic wedding on saturday - it was one of the best wedding ceremonies i’ve ever attended. aside from photography gigs - it was the only wedding i’ve ever attended [in my adult life].
2. when i get married there will be a max of 10 witnesses, one best man (for the both of us) and the officiant.
3. i forgot to pack lunch today. as a result i came home and ate two pieces of lasagna, eggs, bacon, and a half bag of barbecue classic-kettle potato chips.
4. it felt good to commute today, in the rain, with dry socks.
5. i wish i was a profound composer whose music corresponded with current events and moved people to take revolutionary action for change; for good. profound instrumental music. abstract music.
6. “my focus is getting blurred”
7. regarding #2 - that’s gonna piss off a lot of “people”. them and my fucks will be no where to be found.
8. there’s something about the freight train across the freeway that gives me comfort when i see it snaking from downtown; when i hear it rolling underneath the village.
9. bags in empty seats, musty crowds, too packed and loud, talking about rounds 1 and 2 before block C and after the late lunch. that’s that kid that had a knife in his bookbag to showcase. rainy rainy and - yeah i want some fried chicken too. and with the wet outside, these motherfuckers picked the perfect day to roll up the runner, expose the tile and hope that someone notices the “CAUTION: Wet floor” sign in that dark corner.
10. at the wedding - Rita had this beautiful red and green tattoo of two salmon on her neck. i thought she was pisces but it’s actually based off of celtic tradition and belief that salmon hold wisdom and a wealth of knowledge. it was about a week old. it radiated on her skin. cuz in my head it meant she was pisces.

you should watch Everything Must Go and tell me what you think.
and i feel like i’ve completely relapsed on all of my 2013 goals…..
everything must go. 
everything.
(see #6)

:qws:

someone ought make me beautiful.
finely manicured nails ought be bitten whilst bored
some[no]one ought give a little shit about my ramblings

also - you should tell me what you see when you look deep into my eyes. 
that way I can tell whether or not you bullshitting me…
and vice versa.

:qws:

1. Yesterday I went and got my headphones fixed. (now they can’t breed…………………..)
2. As a result of yesterday’s headphone exchange, my music is in my ears.
3. It’s been a quiet weekend. And the one time that quiet was interrupted I threw shade as if it was the cape once worn by the great and powerful Maleficent.
4. Hunger games.
5. I’ve been thinking about love a whole lot in the past….well….3 hours.
6. I took a nap inadvertently and I have no Zzzquil, Nyquil, or liquor to remedy the forthcoming insomnia.
7. Regarding numbers 2-4: I think I’m feeling really open and really vulnerable.  I’m afraid of making the wrong decisions. 
8. I didn’t go to church today. In fact I haven’t been to church in about 2-3 months. But today I distributed over 100 turkeys to less fortunate families in my old neighborhood. I felt like that was just as much an act of worship or tithing as if I went to a church and got sized up for how present I was after being absent for so long.
9. I’d like to see a fleet of baptist ushers collect offering to Flying Lotus’s Disco Balls.
10. Going back to Number 4:

I threw away my earth shoes today. And two towels.

Girl…..

:qws:

*examines sleep nestled in the crow’s feet*

• lost the entire day to sleep.
• i was afraid this would happen when I was awakened after 10am by my maintenance crew.
• ceiling is still open from the weather.
• one word: Robert Glasper iTunes Festival.
• no. in fact that was four. but they equate to one.
• tomorrow is Wednesday. I hope I’m ready.
• i missed 5 minutes of a movie i was watching due to me cutting on the heat and frolicking out of control to the smell of fresh furnace and the feel of new heat.

it’s a short week. I have to make the best of it. 

• Yo - how da fuck you gon’ bitch about me not being a friend when every text I get from you is asking for a kiss, some ass, some dick, or some variation of the aforementioned? Get the fuck outta here witcho blurred fucking defi-fuckin-itions. Seriously.
• I’ll tell you one thing, I considered your whack ass company after drinking most of this southern comfort.
• I need some meat. I feel like I’m committing suicide with this diet of mine. I need more veggies. I need more protein. I have no one to blame but myself.
• Yo’ stupid ass wanna come over just to come over. BITCH IT’S TUESDAY. Da fuck?
• I wanna go out for a….
• …I need a bike.

If you’re reading this, you’re delicious. And I wanna watch you melt like orangecicle on maw’fucking August salmonella free countertops. Give it to me daddy.

• This winter, I’d like to become a film buff.
• I wish African-American cinema wasn’t so stereotypically owned and operated by TPS.
• I came home with ingredients to make chai and said, “I need new music”
• I was reminded of a dropbox full of new music and got excited.
• just realized I have 4 - count them - FOUR photography projects I still have to complete. this is saddening.
• chai though.

none of them know that i operate for them because i’m crushing on them. none of them. (giggle) when they mention vaginas I give them my sternest Lady Tremaine.

then i get my shit together.
it’s deliciously cold. 

I have entirely too much energy.

I’m totally over Apple’s latest update. It’s like comparing a 2005 Scion TC with a 2006 Scion TC. Oh the magical differences! (not)

iOS 6 Pros:

• Ignore a phone call with a text message: because THIS is something that hasn’t already been done with almost every Android OS since the beginning of time. I love this shit though. It allows me to make up shit like “on the toilet” or “cashing a check” or “buying a car” without having to answer the call.
• Do Not Disturb: I love this because, quite frankly, anyone that would hit me between 9p-6a are people that I more than likely don’t feel like talking to or dealing with anyway. So silence that shit. I really needed this last month during my everything hiatus.
• Tweet from Notification Bar: This is so irrelevant and insignificant. Especially for me, someone who tweets twice a week about a bus being late. Speaking of maw’fucking buses…..
• Photo Stream: who gives a shit….
• Panoramic: This is an amazing new feature……….IF THERE WASN’T ALREADY 2,395,78Q,756,817,983,721,587 APPS THAT YOU COULD DOWNLOAD AT LITTLE TO NOTHING.

iOS 6 Cons:

• Everything
• where the fuck is maps….
• where the fuck is youtube….
• why the fuck did you release passbook and all of my bonus cards are still on my FUCKING keychain?
• ….i don’t have my iPhone 5 yet (giggle)

in other news, tomorrow is my Friday
also my mother’s birthday.
i need something sweet.

:qws: 

I intentionally took a Tuesday off to do absolutely nothing…

• And wouldn’t you know, so did the sun. It rained with wind all day today. And heavy. I was able to open all of my windows except the kitchen. I was afraid the pilot light would’ve blown out. 
• I snacked here. Ate there. And I porn’d. My lord did I porn. And I watched a foreign GLBTQ movie. Why? Because rain, and nothingness, and tea, all goes superb with a foreign GLBTQ film. Even if I did give it 2.5 stars afterwards.
• And I responded to work emails. That was the most something I did all day.

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• Went to the club last night for the first time in years. Also, for the first time while single. Got smashed by “punch” before leaving the house so couldn’t really enjoy the Tokyo tea that was passed my way.

• Drunk guy came alllllll the way in my space and attempted to greet me and tell me exactly how drunk he was. Between his accent and the alcohol, all he did was make me and the 5 people around me uncomfortable. 

• I looked away. Nice arms though. Looked away and directly at the booty popping go-go boys against the elevated platforms. (if you look good at a distance…)

• I was asked to put my number in a guy’s phone. It all happened so fast, I declined. I shoulda danced with him though. It made me wanna go to the club again, but I did still feel way out of place. I felt old. And I felt weird. And I had that annoying buzz. (the kind where you aren’t drunk enough to giggle but not sober enough to drink more because you’re afraid you’ll hurl your soul over the next cologne doused military shirt that walks by).

• Now I’m sitting on my living room floor in my underwear, blogging, as if I don’t have a photo shoot to do in 30 minutes. 4 hours of sleep. And too much to do. I need a day and my day is coming.

I need breakfast.
And also a nut. 

:qws:

What’s better than sitting in unwanted company?

• I walked to the bus stop. My feet were hurting. It was like the long walk home type of walking. Like headed to low-rise, low-income, knock-off blessings type of hands trying to take my pain away type hurt. And quite frankly, I don’t even know what the fuck that means. But that’s how my feet hurt. Missed both buses.
• I’m so glad I missed both buses. Took an alternate route home. With no expectations of anything great and got home 20 minutes earlier than I usually do. That felt good.
• Came in the house and dropped everything —- clothes included. Walked to the kitchen taking in the kitchen floor. I couldn’t tell if it was dirty or just scuffed beyond repair. Reached up to the top of the fridge and took down the Fruity Pebbles. Poured a bowl. Doused it with soy milk. In all of its [unhealthy doses of] estrogen glory.
• It was soggy on impact.
• Drowned in Fly Lo like pebbles drown in milk. Like that nigga drown in his video. I drowned in that shit. I can’t wait.
• I think too much. And quite frankly, a one half hour conversation with one of my closest friends is better than a broken conversation, via text, with someone whose address, favorite color & condiment I don’t even know. I don’t got time for that shit. I love talking on the phone I think.
• And this papaya juice. It gave color to my vodka. And it’s all gonna make tonight’s love-making session go over VERY well while this Jeremih shit is undulating under the balls of my aching ass feet.

Trust me.
I don’t even need nobody here for this shit.

Though it would be great to grab the back of someone’s head and push it beneath the surface of the pool of papaya juice that’s soon to be in my nay-bow. *slurp motherfucker*

:qws:

WS: I was going to ask you if this was off-season for you.

Me: Nope. I’m on.

WS: Got it.

Me: Always remember - the seasons with the best weather are the seasons that i’m around.

September-November and March-May

WS: YERRRP. What else is new with you?

Me: Nothing.

WS: I feel like I ask you this too often for this answer to change.

Me: I can tell you some variations of change but it’d be too specific of an answer for such a generalized question. Por ejemplo….

• my apartment faces East so recently I’ve been either catching or missing mediocre sunrises. But how do I know they’re mediocre if I’ve been missing them? Fuck you - person who asked that.
• I catch amazing sunsets on days that I have to slow march across the North Avenue bridge. It takes away from the sweat-pouring, bag-toting, junkie-passing, bus-missing, breeze-lacking happenings that’s going on around me.
• Also, Frankie and I are eating our feelings away.
• I need to job hunt as if I’m in your position. Not mocking you. Only acknowledging the state of desperation my career is currently in.
• I almost re-downloaded jack’d this morning. I have this horrible habit of waking up ricockulously early and instead of showering, I browse craigslist personals and fine myself leaving the house “on time” versus at 530a like I originally planned.
• But at least I ain’t download jack’d. (whore)
• Finally, and most importantly, I will be reposting all this as my tumblr post for the night.

WS: See what I did there.

Me: Yes look. Look right the fuck at what you did.

:qws:

oh, Monday

• there wasn’t a single inkling of blues today. now that’s some beautiful.
• i’m about to get everything ready for tomorrow morning, make a cup of tea, and read the rest of yet another book. (I’m on a roll).
• so remember how i said I drive in silence? well…i’ve suddenly found myself on this radio station that talks about nothing but friends with benefits and marriage.
• that $5 (and fifty fucking cents) footlong got me full.
• WTF (regarding the third bullet)
• i feel myself becoming internet popular (or something) which means I need to leave the internets all.the.way.alone.

:qws:

this was a queued post

• I was such a girl this morning. shrieking. gasping. squealing. my sister got married today.
• the wedding was amazing. quick. short. to the point. the only pins & needles came from the hope that everyone (guests) got to the courthouse before the 6.8 minute ceremony was over.
• i’m no longer photographing weddings but i think i’ll definitely opt for the courthouse joints.
• CARD: WHY YOU NO APPROVE. WHY YOU NO AUTHORIZE AT SALON!
• And now it’s time to do the reception.
• i  love my extended family.

And also Artscape somewhere this weekend.

:qws:
 

I want to know that I’m beautiful.

:qws: