Sugar Milk

Listening: these cars outside. it’s not raining yet but I swear the cars outside are giving me the perfect prelude for what’s to come.

Reading: this life membership listing for work. Yes I’m working from home when I really should be laying with my back on the floor and my barefeet aimed towards the chandelier of the great room, giggling uncontrollably at how amazing and incredible i am and how feeble and idiotic they are. either way - they’d still be in my fucking house after 5p.

Doing: i’m watching the hunger games. i love the first half of the hunger games - like - right before they begin fighting. there’s something about District 12 coming out in flames and then Steve Reich playing in the background as each tribute runs for their ammunition. give. me. life.

Speaking of Steve Reich (and please say nothing about my “caps, caps here - no caps there” inconsistent capitalization methods) I was watching the best of Chris Farley SNL this weekend on Netflix and realized that during his commercial sketch for Hibernol, Music for 18 Musicians is playing in the background. It was probably the most amazing part of my watching. Now every time I hear Section II I’m going to see him fighting off a cold.

Eating: Chicken. florentine. spinach. thing. out of a frozen bag. haven’t eaten all day. lucky i didn’t get another meat lovers pizza.

Drinking: Ginless Sierra Mist.

Wearing: just a t-shirt. oh and dress socks. how even is….

Feeling: hopeless. depression trying to settle but too busy with work to give it room.

Weather: Cloudy 68°F with pending rain.

Wanting: the opposite of what I’m currently feeling. 

Needing: tongue. right. there.

Thinking: I really  need to figure out what’s about to happen with this here life of mine. I’m no longer in my 20s. I can’t just live day-in; day-out - hoping for everything to fall into place. I need to have a map and a goal. My current map seems to be as effective as a local bus schedule.

Enjoying: everything I’m listening to currently. that is it. ONLY what i’m listening to.

:qws:

I said I needed to post something - so here’s something….

Listening: My Climb playlist - based off of “Climb” by Mos Def. This has to be some of the smoothest hip hop ever.

Reading: Re-reading Shackling Waters by Adam Mansbach. It deserves it.

Doing:  Going over my expenses for just one day and preparing myself for this weekend adventure.

Eating: Garbage. A ton of garbage. Otherwise a chipotle chicken sandwich from Burger King.

Drinking: approximately 32 ounces of water. I’ve been drinking soda all day and my face is glowing with evidence. It doesn’t help that I’m due for a visit to the hairdresser.

Wearing: that white thermal with the hole that looks like a stain because it’s not quite a hole yet. And those extra thick comfy black sweatpants that has too much keychain in it.

Feeling: almost completely overwhelmed. I’m overthinking. A little tired. Distracted - but only by things I ought be distracted by.

Weather: Parly cloudy skies. Clear mostly. 50­°F and the window fan is spinning steady. 

Wanting: My passion back. For everything. I hope this excursion helps with that. I need it bad.

Needing: To revisit my goals created earlier this year. I swear the amount of money I spent in the past month got me questioning the hypocrisy associated with this “minimalist” lifestyle of mine. (file under: call Tyra-Girl)

Thinking: Can I do something right while at work? Will they call me when I’m gone? How long will I sleep? Why does my calendar say “Nothingness” and I’ve been doing - “everything”. My fashion sense. My perception and regard to sex.

Enjoying: My clean clothes. My evening. 

There are some things that are needed. Because there are some things that are wanted….

1. we had a horrific 6-10” accumulation of bullshit today that shut down the entire city. one person called it tax dollars being spent on snow emergency preparedness. i call it a needed day off from work.
2. after my day yesterday - to receive a day off from work because of RAIN was clearly, solely, a supernatural act of God Himself. had to be.
3. i need to get back on top of my 2 out, 1 in rule. i have two new bags and i’ve yet to throw out/donate the old ones. I have three new books and I’ve yet to toss out ones i’ve already read. 
4. inclimate weather always calls for a movie and pizza. 101 dalmatians was nice but if it was done by Dreamworks instead of Disney, they would’ve kept that car chase at the end. i lived for that car chase. 
5. i have to get my shit together.
6. i have to get my shit together, Carol
7. Carol, get your shit together Carol.
8. tomorrow - as always, will be a better day
9. don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining…at least let’s take it in the shower and call it what it really is. you can’t possibly bullshit a bullshitter.
10. MANDATORY NOTE: Nos. 5-7

:qws:

someone ought make me beautiful.
finely manicured nails ought be bitten whilst bored
some[no]one ought give a little shit about my ramblings

also - you should tell me what you see when you look deep into my eyes. 
that way I can tell whether or not you bullshitting me…
and vice versa.

:qws:

• If you are what you listen to - I need someone to know what a bassoon means to 18. Even though I’m digging that new Will.I.Am & Britney Spears joint.
• If I’m sick - I think quiet is probably the most important thing ever. And little reason to use my voice. Very little reason.
• If I’m only this thin while gyrating like a slut, nude in the mirror, maybe I should go into stripping.

1. when i close my eyes tight, the room spins when i’m not looking.
2. i’ve been drinking four different types of tea - all of which have some type of throat lozenge resting in the bottom.
3. quiet is the new music. haven’t listened to any music in about three days. i mean really listened.
4. i’m craving farina something terrible.
5. i’m tapped back into my work emails - according to this “armed robbery” notice, this ill holiday is a relief from that fucking zip code.
6. i need this fever to go away.
7. netflix, while it has been my friend, is boring as fuck.
8. haven’t even been on the interwebs like that - for real.
9. oh this quiet.
10. oh this quiet.

:qws:

• living the simple life is probably one of the most difficult things I’ve decided to do.
• I’m struggling to find contentment. 
• social media isn’t helping.
• social media is helping.
• came home from feeding families today
• … and the D word was waiting for me to get home.

nuzzled right up next to me, took my arms and wrapped them around itself, and told me to put on a movie.

-_-

I can’t figure out how to make it go away.

WARNING: I haz drunk

1. the more i’m me, the more problems i come across. what. the. fuck.
2. i need music. i need high. i need tears.
3. i want to eat some ass really bad right now. i want to be the one sitting at the table lookin’ stupid with the “you eat ass” face. and marvel at the scent it leaves in my 5 o’clock shadow.
4. i want penny candy. a bag of it.
5. i’m drunk. and i want more of it.
6. also, i feel like shit because the one(s) that wanted me hate the fact that they don’t want me. if that doesn’t make sense, refer to the title track of this post.
7. title track.
8. excuse me while i lay with my back on the floor and legs on the sofa and listen to interstate 83 and cinematic orchestra.
9. they’ll mimic jesus and make me feel better about myself more than i ever did.

eat. ass. face.

:qws:

1. Yesterday I went and got my headphones fixed. (now they can’t breed…………………..)
2. As a result of yesterday’s headphone exchange, my music is in my ears.
3. It’s been a quiet weekend. And the one time that quiet was interrupted I threw shade as if it was the cape once worn by the great and powerful Maleficent.
4. Hunger games.
5. I’ve been thinking about love a whole lot in the past….well….3 hours.
6. I took a nap inadvertently and I have no Zzzquil, Nyquil, or liquor to remedy the forthcoming insomnia.
7. Regarding numbers 2-4: I think I’m feeling really open and really vulnerable.  I’m afraid of making the wrong decisions. 
8. I didn’t go to church today. In fact I haven’t been to church in about 2-3 months. But today I distributed over 100 turkeys to less fortunate families in my old neighborhood. I felt like that was just as much an act of worship or tithing as if I went to a church and got sized up for how present I was after being absent for so long.
9. I’d like to see a fleet of baptist ushers collect offering to Flying Lotus’s Disco Balls.
10. Going back to Number 4:

I threw away my earth shoes today. And two towels.

Girl…..

:qws:

*examines sleep nestled in the crow’s feet*

• lost the entire day to sleep.
• i was afraid this would happen when I was awakened after 10am by my maintenance crew.
• ceiling is still open from the weather.
• one word: Robert Glasper iTunes Festival.
• no. in fact that was four. but they equate to one.
• tomorrow is Wednesday. I hope I’m ready.
• i missed 5 minutes of a movie i was watching due to me cutting on the heat and frolicking out of control to the smell of fresh furnace and the feel of new heat.

it’s a short week. I have to make the best of it. 

a fucking hurricane:

1. what a restful day.
2. thank you Jesus for allowing me to still have power
3. i went to make lasagna
4. i made too much ground turkey.
5. i had creamed spinach instead of chopped spinach
6. i had no grated parmesan
7. i had no shredded parmesan
8. i used baby spinach leaves in addition to the creamed spinach.
9. i blame sandy for numbers 4-8
10. all the creative juices in my head are flowing in a cyclical canal. essentially not going anywhere but in all of the same places.
11. oh the inspiration.
12. i wanna write a poem but i don’t know what about.
13. i’d also like an audience of 2.
14. and liquor. where is my liquor.

how’s your hurricane day? i hope as sunny as mine

:qws: 

• Yo - how da fuck you gon’ bitch about me not being a friend when every text I get from you is asking for a kiss, some ass, some dick, or some variation of the aforementioned? Get the fuck outta here witcho blurred fucking defi-fuckin-itions. Seriously.
• I’ll tell you one thing, I considered your whack ass company after drinking most of this southern comfort.
• I need some meat. I feel like I’m committing suicide with this diet of mine. I need more veggies. I need more protein. I have no one to blame but myself.
• Yo’ stupid ass wanna come over just to come over. BITCH IT’S TUESDAY. Da fuck?
• I wanna go out for a….
• …I need a bike.

If you’re reading this, you’re delicious. And I wanna watch you melt like orangecicle on maw’fucking August salmonella free countertops. Give it to me daddy.

• This winter, I’d like to become a film buff.
• I wish African-American cinema wasn’t so stereotypically owned and operated by TPS.
• I came home with ingredients to make chai and said, “I need new music”
• I was reminded of a dropbox full of new music and got excited.
• just realized I have 4 - count them - FOUR photography projects I still have to complete. this is saddening.
• chai though.

none of them know that i operate for them because i’m crushing on them. none of them. (giggle) when they mention vaginas I give them my sternest Lady Tremaine.

then i get my shit together.
it’s deliciously cold. 

I have entirely too much energy.

I’m totally over Apple’s latest update. It’s like comparing a 2005 Scion TC with a 2006 Scion TC. Oh the magical differences! (not)

iOS 6 Pros:

• Ignore a phone call with a text message: because THIS is something that hasn’t already been done with almost every Android OS since the beginning of time. I love this shit though. It allows me to make up shit like “on the toilet” or “cashing a check” or “buying a car” without having to answer the call.
• Do Not Disturb: I love this because, quite frankly, anyone that would hit me between 9p-6a are people that I more than likely don’t feel like talking to or dealing with anyway. So silence that shit. I really needed this last month during my everything hiatus.
• Tweet from Notification Bar: This is so irrelevant and insignificant. Especially for me, someone who tweets twice a week about a bus being late. Speaking of maw’fucking buses…..
• Photo Stream: who gives a shit….
• Panoramic: This is an amazing new feature……….IF THERE WASN’T ALREADY 2,395,78Q,756,817,983,721,587 APPS THAT YOU COULD DOWNLOAD AT LITTLE TO NOTHING.

iOS 6 Cons:

• Everything
• where the fuck is maps….
• where the fuck is youtube….
• why the fuck did you release passbook and all of my bonus cards are still on my FUCKING keychain?
• ….i don’t have my iPhone 5 yet (giggle)

in other news, tomorrow is my Friday
also my mother’s birthday.
i need something sweet.

:qws: 

I intentionally took a Tuesday off to do absolutely nothing…

• And wouldn’t you know, so did the sun. It rained with wind all day today. And heavy. I was able to open all of my windows except the kitchen. I was afraid the pilot light would’ve blown out. 
• I snacked here. Ate there. And I porn’d. My lord did I porn. And I watched a foreign GLBTQ movie. Why? Because rain, and nothingness, and tea, all goes superb with a foreign GLBTQ film. Even if I did give it 2.5 stars afterwards.
• And I responded to work emails. That was the most something I did all day.

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