i don’t know if it’s the walking
or if it’s the laughing
or the dining and
literally breaking bread
while sitting Indian style on the floor…
I don’t know if it’s long drawl of “chile”
or if it’s the magic in her headdress
but something about spending time [with etceterauniverse]
creates the most orchestral of sounds
and life becomes the dope at
Listening: Santa Monica sirens are like the worst things ever. But Santa Monica is sooo incredibly nice. It gives me almost this Miami feel but I don’t think I’m entitled to make such a comparison because I’ve never been to Miami. And the Minimalist Jukebox Concert was dope. I hadn’t listened to the “Stay On It” by Julius Eastman in entirety until tonight. I’ll have to revisit it at home soon. Different Trains, quite similarly to Music for 18 Musicians, made me cry when it came to an end.
you know what’s weird. i talk about when i cry as often as i possibly can because i don’t feel like it happens often enough. not saying i wish i was overly sensitive or over-emotional. but sometimes i feel a really good release could do me some good. but anyway….
I left the concert early because my east coast body wasn’t ready for a 3 hour west coast classical showcase.
Watching: sunsets on the pier, HBO Series “Looking”, street performers, nude go-go boys leaning against poles, franksandbeanz making moves on a mechanical bull while completely intoxicated, and palm trees. i swear that was
Doing: texting a different person each day to try to figure out how to smoothly enjoy the trip. i swear this was the biggest inconvenience ever. in retrospect i realized i’d stayed at a different apartment every night while in L.A. we’ve been discussing a return in the near future just to redeem how weird and fucked up this trip was.
Eating: flirting with the girl Maggie at Jersey Mike’s as she hands me a peach tea, 800° Degrees margarita pizza with MEAT. I like my pizza meaty. It’s sexy. The Pie Hole macaroni and cheese pie with $7 watermelon juice; In & Out was mandatory and cornbread battered fried chicken was the best leftovers ever.
Drinking: sober. except for one day. completely sober. girl bye.
Wearing: shorts, t-shirts, and my first pair of new shoes in over a year.
Feeling: as mentioned, I was ready to come home when Day 2 arrived, but i can’t really say that was homesick. I just wish I felt more prepared for this trip.
Weather: I was in southern california — you tell me what the weather was like. and did you read what i was wearing?
Wanting: to go back to los angeles to do the trip all over again the way I’d really want to do it. making cameos instead of being the overnight “oh hai”.
Needing: los angeles traffic CAROL!
Thinking: about how there really were more positive ups than there were inconvenient downs. but the trip did have an unnecessary amount of anxiety attached to it. from beginning to end. the flights were nice though.
Listening: this deliciously sexy playlist that girl’Ashley turned me onto. it kinda makes me wanna be high or drunk or tipsy or….open. but it could just be the first track that got me like this though.
Reading: Simplify Your Life
Doing: Writing an itinerary for this weekend. It’s going to be really full and require a ton of frugality and careful spending.
Eating: A slice of pizza from Home Slyce. I swear this is the best homemade pizza in the city of Baltimore. I danced all the way home. First I danced because of the incredible taste and then once the pizza was gone I danced because my mustache smelled of strongman. My fingers smelled salty and savory from the grease that dripped from the pepperoni and salami. I danced all the way to the bus stop. Eating. I danced all the way to the trash can to throw away the styrofoam container. The crust was crispy and soft all at the same time. Perfect. The cheese was scrumptious and I’m still literally singing about it. It’ll happen again tomorrow. (#Phrasing #Archer this whole thing tho)
Drinking: Nothing. But this playlist. I’m telling you. Here comes vodka, bitches.
Wearing: A tshirt that used to conform to my body and now it feels like a stretchy poncho. I’m gaining weight. The pizza I’m sure ain’t helping. And khakis from earlier.
Feeling: Tired. As shit.
Weather: It’s chilly as hell outside tonight. It’s supposed to get warm tomorrow for a few hours. Partly cloudy; currently 45°F
Wanting: you to want me the way i want you. :(
Needing: to not want you at all period. And to do some more ab exercises or running. It’s safer to run around Druid Hill Park even though I go further with my Station North and Remington routes.
Thinking: about relocating to get away from everything and everyone and starting over and not looking back except to send or receive handwritten letters or postcards.
Enjoying: this playlist. and the residual smell of pizza and baby powder.
thank you girl’Ashley.
- i need to stop obsessing over hair bumps
- i watched an exercise video, looked in the mirror, felt the same.
- i watched it.
- gears spinning and burning
- cogs like copper
- aliens and boogie monsters played the roles of angels and seraphim
- my forearm is pressed against your windpipe and your back is against the wall and there’s a train storming by loudly outside my window and it’s raining quietly and before you can acknowledge the fact that you’re not breathing, you feel me unbuckle your trousers. the caboose got the place shaking.
- ^ what was that.
- between the mental gears spinning and these hairbumps….
- i’m convinced that there’s a significant amount of iron…
it’s too monday for all this.
So here’s the past 90 days.
- What even is 50° anymore?
- a somber Christmas….
- a few frozen hearts….
- beautiful new friends…
- meticulous irritants…
- look at that bawwwwdy
- los angeles
- saint louis
- snow shoeing
- ice walks
- blackened bridges
- raw noses
and a soundtrack to go with the whole thing.
"i look upon ever day to be lost, in which i do not make a new acquaintance." Samuel Johnson
"everywhere is nowhere. when a person spends all his time in foreign travel, he ends by having many acquaintances, but no friends.
Jesus be a scale.
- If you are listening to a friend, don’t pull out your phone in the middle of your conversation. If you have an emergency call or text you need to answer, politely tell your friend that you need a second and then explain briefly, but avoid taking over the conversation with your problem. You…
this is giving my dad a smile for father’s day…
Listening: Sing to the Moon. still.
Doing: my george foreman grill has no more teflon so whenever i use it i procrastinate in cleaning it. it’s like digging and scraping and digging and picking to get to the bottom of clean. and the other 2 dishes in my sink.
Eating: caesar salad. with no meat. i have to lose 15 pounds in 7 days.
Drinking: very cold water.
Wearing: plaid trunks and a wifebeater (i stay very underdressed while blogging)
Feeling: absolutely incredible. have you ever walked, i mean slow-strolled in the rain. i just walked home from the gay pride picnic and the sky opened up 2 minutes into my walk. it felt absolutely amazing. just feeling the drops on my skin, watching the puddles form, feeling the breeze with it. it was FUCKING remarkable. i feel sooo blessed. there needs to be another word other than blessed. but man….this is just, the best feeling.
Weather: oh - it’s sunny as hell now.
Wanting: to get boogie tickets to see this rahsaan concert for his birthday tomorrow.
Needing: to experience my friends again like i did today. i got two or three hugs that had so much substance behind them. i felt loved. i felt beautiful. i felt needed. i felt acknowledged. and i want so much more of that.
Thinking: that 15 pounds actually needs to disappear in 2 weeks. not one.
Enjoying: being damp.
I made the mistake
of boasting about my small circle of friends
not realizing that none
of these dots
so I’m in the center
and I can’t tell where the closeness is
because even with these titled whatevers
it’s easy as shit
to still find myself