Yeah - you and I need to have a talk, but first, listen to this dope CD I burned for you.
—God to me upon entering heaven.
You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own….Pray that I’ll know what to say and have the courage to say it at the right time, telling the mystery to one and all, the Message that I, jailbird preacher that I am, am responsible for getting out.
—Ephesians 6: 13, 19-20
The Message Bible
- I prayed the scriptures on my way to work - it made it less irritating that I was waiting for a bus that was probably 30 minutes behind schedule.
- I prayed the scriptures on my way to work - God is not a superhero or a magical genie who grants wishes. Jesus isn’t a big brother that will push your bully into moving traffic. Christianity and faith is none of what I just mentioned, but sometimes praying and the biblical definition of Faith pushes me a little further to that point where I know I’ll be able to make it. I blame my much better day on the fact that I prayed the scripture.
- My phone is an absolute cuntass for auto-correcting the word “so” to the word “do”. Seriously?
- If I go to bed now, I can take the other half of this DiGiorno for lunch tomorrow.
- I just need it to get better.
I just need quiet.
I need for someone to tell me that I’m not broken. I know it will happen in God’s time and I by far am NOT questioning his methods, timing or guidance …. I simply need to know that I’m not broken.
I probably didn’t blog yesterday because it was 11.11.11. I’m totally kidding. I didn’t blog yesterday because I got home from a great day at work and became moody and tired. I’m such a fucking PMS bitch sometimes. My plan for today was to wake up early enough to watch the sunrise, maybe take a few shots of it, cook breakfast….all that shit. Threw myself out of bed, put on a coat, and actually did catch the sunrise. No breakfast.
I have three shoots today. I’m backed up and behind schedule. 1.) High schoolmate of mine and her son. This should be pretty awesome. I haven’t seen her since high school and I’ve never met her son. I wanna make the most of this photo shoot and really capture the story of these two. Back in ‘08 her partner/son’s dad was killed in a car accident - I want his presence to be felt between them. 2.) Another mother and son shoot that I really wanna cancel. She hasn’t put down a deposit (because I didn’t require one) but she has managed to reschedule THREE (3) times. 3.) Third shoot: November 12, 2011. I’ll more than likely just slow stroll against North Avenue before black and whiting the versatility streaming alongside First Mariner Arena. That sounds dope. Let’s see if it happens.
Cloud 37 may happen. Only problem with it? Alcohol consumption exceeding my more than normal is one thing, but incorporating canibus into the mix may completely fuck up my soul for approximately 21 days. And then this….
I think….. I’m not sure. I think filling the emptiness and the void inside of me with more things that leave me feeling empty and void, makes the original empty void grow to a pretty huge mass of empty and void. Considered, but yet to attend, a church service. I can’t completely abandon my faith or say that I don’t believe in Jesus and what He’s done for me. I’ve just been avoiding it. And then there’s Langston Hughes and his Final Curve….
i’ve been cussing a lot, especially on my blog and in my tweets. there are certain people who i know peruse over my blog who would probably take great offense to the fact that i drop more f-bombs than all of the atomic research required to flatten hiroshima. i metaphorically destroy people left and right. now, if someone asked me if i was a faith-based individual, i’d tell them yeah. because i base a lot of my decisions, worries (or lack thereof), hopes and dreams off of said faith.