Sugar Milk

I need this to happen again…

it was one of those, fell down and scraped the knee - thought you were good til you saw blood - shin bumped up against the edge of a sliding board - gotchu limping off the playground - extra saliva - extra loud - screaming into a ball of fabric - shoulders jerking - breath catching - prepubescent - god i need someone to hold me - i need attention - but only from someone i’ve invested in - not just anyone - fuck the dates and the hookups and the people who loosely throw around the substitute word baby instead of my actual name - the people who can guess what the last 4 of my social might consist of - or know that i’d do general mills over kellogg’s any day - until i fall back to sleep in THIS - type of cries. It was out of control. It was rediculous. It was Wynton Marsalis Sunflowers and The Bad Plus: Silence is The Question. It was Proof by Pat Metheny. It was McCoy Tyner Flying High…..

jesusitshappeningrightnowandihavenoideawhyyyyyyyyyy

1. short day with a lot of walking.
2. one week later, another night last night full of tears.
3. my boss is being extremely meticulous about shit that’s totally 1.5 years old. hurt yourself bitch. hurt yourself good.
4. my grandmother is alive. i talked to her this morning. she lied to me and told me she was resting her eyes. she’s been telling me this lie for 28 years. her breathy whisper indicated that she was knocked the fuck out.
5. it’s cool out. it rained a lot. and there’s the sickest, most beautiful amazing autumn sunset happening right NEEEOOOWWWW!!!! it’s supposed to be 50 degrees tonight.
6. that was one of the best cries i’ve had since i was about 7 years old. seriously.
7. walked past the library with the too long name. there was a circle of guys. they were having a cipher. freestyling. turning heads. hip hop with no music is spoken word poetry. i should know. i’m not a hip hop artist.
8. it’s getting dark and i’m supposed to be heading to target for some soy milk. the 2% joint got my stomach tarrying over nothing.
9. despite what i said yesterday about Game, Quill wants stuff.
10. catching the #8 from york into greenmount and transferring to the #13 is like going from the CW to BET without actually paying for cable.
11. lisa said i should probably look into spending more time with my family.
12. oh - i totally talked to tiger today. i talked to tiger today. he said he reached his goal of not engaging with anyone on any kind of dating level, boo level, releationship level, etc. until his birthday. his birthday is tomorrow.
13. my house feels like it’s not cold outside. windows all the way open.
14. i wanna take a zipcar to cockeysville - swing over to joppatowne and slow stroll it next to the sunflower field.
15. regarding #5 the smell, the feel of my apartment has a old summertime expiration date on it. i’m not enthused.
16. my right eye burns.
17. i wonder if things would be different if i masturbated before bed last night.
18. regarding #2 it was one of those, fell down and scraped the knee - thought you were good til you saw blood - shin bumped up against the edge of a sliding board - gotchu limping off the playground - extra saliva - extra loud - screaming into a ball of fabric - shoulders jerking - breath catching - prepubescent - god i need someone to hold me - i need attention - but only from someone i’ve invested in - not just anyone - fuck the dates and the hookups and the people who loosely throw around the substitute word baby instead of my actual name - the people who can guess what the last 4 of my social might consist of - or know that i’d do general mills over kellogg’s any day - until i fall back to sleep in THIS - type of cries. It was out of control. It was rediculous. It was Wynton Marsalis Sunflowers and The Bad Plus: Silence is The Question. It was Proof by Pat Metheny. It was McCoy Tyner Flying High…..jesusitshappeningrightnowandihavenoideawhyyyyyyyyyy
19. selah
20. regarding #12. currently, i have no goals. TF?

1. Woke up this morning to an old thing made new
2. Took Benadryl
3. Forgot I took Benadryl
4. Stood in office doorway and talked to colleagues about BS work I did until the mailman showed up.
5. My #4 plan worked perfectly
6. Mailman showed up with my keyboard and mouse CUZ I HAD NONE
7. Got on my computer to knock out the day’s work
8. Fell asleep 27 times (giving thanks to #2)
9. Went and ate some homecooked food (freeload)
10. Regarding #8, one of those instances was at the urinal.
11. Despite #9 still came home and made Cream of Wheat for dessert
12. I thought about #4 and was about to say “I wanna go home” until I looked around my living room.
13. I love you with all my heart
14. I cried today.
15. If you haven’t already seen this - what in the fuck are you waiting for?
16. Regarding #14, it was related to music. It’s always related to music. I just hate that I did it in front of a stranger. They didn’t see me though. I think they thought I was laughing because of my shoulders moving up and down. I was weeping though.
17. Flatulence
18. It’s cool outside, but I still wanna turn on my air because it’s 73 degrees in here.
19. Tomorrow is humpday.
20. I need Jesus on humpdays. I need Jesus everyday. I need Jesus because of the love child of numbers 13 & 14 taking residence in my apartment, next to me.

Yes, there was a significantly more words than usual today.