"Rabbit’s clever", said Pooh thoughtfully.
“Yes,” said Piglet, “Rabbit’s clever.”
“And he has Brain.”
“Yes,” said Piglet, “Rabbit has Brain.”
there was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that’s why he never understands anything."
—Alan Alexander Milne
calling out this overthinking maw’fucka.
Talk about the thing you regret most so far….
it’s a writing prompt. not an obligation. the one thing i regret so far is completely letting go of the ability and the knowledge on how to fall in love with an individual.
please don’t make me elaborate.)
Glorious Clothing gods
- Mr. Beatty: "people who look better with clothes on" file me under that joint lol
- Me: I've never seen you undressed so I wouldn't know.
- Mr. Beatty: I'm telling you.
- Me: I walk around the house naked like "OMG YOU'RE DISGUSTING LOOK AT YOURSELF - YOU LOOK LIKE YOU CAN'T BREATHE! LOOK AT ALL THAT FUCKING MUFFINTOP OVER YOUR FUCKING ELASTIC YOU FAT FUCK!!!!" Then I put on a wifebeater and I'm all like, "sweet lord i'd fuck me - lookout jack'd cuz here I come."
- *ten minutes after this conversation*
- Me: God I could go for some pizza right now.
SIRI just read the fuck outta me...
- Me: Send an SMS to Tom Wallace
- Her: I'm sorry, I don't see a Tom Wallis in your contacts. Did you mean Tom Wallace?
- Me: Yes
- Her: What would you like to say?
- Me: "Hey we still have to make a trip to IKEA. I hope your day is going okay. Hit me when you can."
- Her: "A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unecessary parts" -William Strunk
- [Now] would you like to tell me that again using fewer words?
When Men Use Lotion as Lube
1. it feels amazing when you’re beating it
2. you can’t tell what’s nut and what’s lotion afterwards
3. you clean off
4. it itches
5. it really itches
6. you’re in public but you can’t scratch
7. you get home and you figure out the best way to scratch the hell out of the itch
8. after 20 minutes of scratching, yes, you gave yourself herpes.
It’s horrific. Then the healing begins which is like, wow - the skin of my dick has dandruff like a bitch. It turns all flaky. And essentially you’re too embarrassed to get head from anyone because your dick looks like it got stung by a bee, ran out into traffic, and didn’t survive.
Yeah - you and I need to have a talk, but first, listen to this dope CD I burned for you.
—God to me upon entering heaven.
- Be Like: Heartbeat
- What it is: Blood flow
- Be Like: Erected Feelings
- What it is: Thrust
- Be Like: into my mouth and erupt inside of me; our love unites
- What it is: invade my heartspace with it. i want it to run down your cheekbones and slip sloppily off your chin. screaming about how much you love...as it lands on your chest
- Be Like: rub it in. smear it across. spread yourself over me - expansion. i'm suspended in love with you. i love with you.
- What it is: fuck me with it
- Be Like: fill you with it
- What it is: amor sticky; love funky; eros juicy; agape tasty; drunk with overflow. open.wet. love
- Be Like: ...our love
- What it is: absotively
- Be Like: ...our love
- Be Like: hi. hello. hey...