secretly, under my kitchen sink - there’s approximately 14 mason jars full of fucks that i keep on standby because portions of my heart are enlarged….
I made the mistake
of boasting about my small circle of friends
not realizing that none
of these dots
so I’m in the center
and I can’t tell where the closeness is
because even with these titled whatevers
it’s easy as shit
to still find myself
let me tell you the truth
i fantasize about being alone
and when i get to the point of fantasizing about anything
it’s as if i’m mentally confirming that it will never happen
i want to defy the ceiling of 30,000 feet of my own sky
i want to defy the physics and laws of gravity
and make my own impossible
as realistic and evident as my own breath
in the dead of winter
i fantasize about being great
i fantasize about this potential i possess
[laughter] i keep fantasizing and ain’t shit gon’ get done
especially when my distractions are the fuel to my fantasy
when my fantasies are the maw’fucking pulse
to my got’damn distractions
i found myself sitting on top of the hill in the park.
i sat there, shivering in the midst of gnats and breezes.
struggling to ignore the joggers
i loved the musical dance of Saturday evening traffic along 83
and there wasn’t a cloud in site.
that’s where my alone felt free.
-excerpt from March 19, 2011 journal entry.
When I give the green light for company and suddenly wanna say “stay your ass where you are, cuz I’m going to FUCKING sleep”
Sidenote: Whenever I say “FUCKING” I always type in all caps because it reminds me of the Aids Burger scene from True Blood, starring LaFayette. Click for Reference
Seriously - stay where you are.