let me tell you the truth
i fantasize about being alone
and when i get to the point of fantasizing about anything
it’s as if i’m mentally confirming that it will never happen
i want to defy the ceiling of 30,000 feet of my own sky
i want to defy the physics and laws of gravity
and make my own impossible
as realistic and evident as my own breath
in the dead of winter
i fantasize about being great
i fantasize about this potential i possess
[laughter] i keep fantasizing and ain’t shit gon’ get done
especially when my distractions are the fuel to my fantasy
when my fantasies are the maw’fucking pulse
to my got’damn distractions
i found myself sitting on top of the hill in the park.
i sat there, shivering in the midst of gnats and breezes.
struggling to ignore the joggers
i loved the musical dance of Saturday evening traffic along 83
and there wasn’t a cloud in site.
that’s where my alone felt free.
-excerpt from March 19, 2011 journal entry.