Sugar Milk

• A new word for EBT
• What my friend Brian calls my mannerisms when I can go from street trade to dairy queen in one, single, solitary run-on sentence.
• The sounds my fingers make while I walk, without using my thumbs.

When I have my employee evaluation at work, one of the things my boss always says, despite any fuck-ups that are on my list, is that I’m a man with an excellent attitude. No matter what issues, situations, criticisms. problems, or arguments that come up, I address each one with humility and a positive attitude.

I have a feeling that this is all leading up to one big motherfucking SNAP.

I saw red today. I pray that I don’t see a deeper shade of this fucking hue before I find another place to provide me with a fucking paycheck.

:qws:

Listening: these cars outside. it’s not raining yet but I swear the cars outside are giving me the perfect prelude for what’s to come.

Reading: this life membership listing for work. Yes I’m working from home when I really should be laying with my back on the floor and my barefeet aimed towards the chandelier of the great room, giggling uncontrollably at how amazing and incredible i am and how feeble and idiotic they are. either way - they’d still be in my fucking house after 5p.

Doing: i’m watching the hunger games. i love the first half of the hunger games - like - right before they begin fighting. there’s something about District 12 coming out in flames and then Steve Reich playing in the background as each tribute runs for their ammunition. give. me. life.

Speaking of Steve Reich (and please say nothing about my “caps, caps here - no caps there” inconsistent capitalization methods) I was watching the best of Chris Farley SNL this weekend on Netflix and realized that during his commercial sketch for Hibernol, Music for 18 Musicians is playing in the background. It was probably the most amazing part of my watching. Now every time I hear Section II I’m going to see him fighting off a cold.

Eating: Chicken. florentine. spinach. thing. out of a frozen bag. haven’t eaten all day. lucky i didn’t get another meat lovers pizza.

Drinking: Ginless Sierra Mist.

Wearing: just a t-shirt. oh and dress socks. how even is….

Feeling: hopeless. depression trying to settle but too busy with work to give it room.

Weather: Cloudy 68°F with pending rain.

Wanting: the opposite of what I’m currently feeling. 

Needing: tongue. right. there.

Thinking: I really  need to figure out what’s about to happen with this here life of mine. I’m no longer in my 20s. I can’t just live day-in; day-out - hoping for everything to fall into place. I need to have a map and a goal. My current map seems to be as effective as a local bus schedule.

Enjoying: everything I’m listening to currently. that is it. ONLY what i’m listening to.

:qws:

oh damn…
oh my…

Listening: Repeated sirens from this 2 alarm fire that’s been billowing across the bridge since about 5:30 today.

Reading: My minimalist newsletter came today.

Doing:  Editing some of the shots from this past weekend’s San Francisco bay area excursions.

Eating: A chicken cheesesteak with everything no hots and too hard Italian sub rolls.

Drinking: a pepsi. I don’t give a fuck.

Wearing: black tshirt, ankle socks that has the best slideage across the kitchen floor and some grey sweats.

Feeling: my eyes are burning from how tired I am and I know I’m not going to make it to work by 6a. And if I do - it’ll be borderline suicide.

Weather: Partly cloudy skies. A cloud of nearby smoke. 55°F Cool. 

Wanting: A nice, smooth clean ass to perform fellatio on my junk.

Needing: A long deep sleep.

Thinking: I would love it if everyone that I interact with tomorrow were mute.

Enjoying: quiet.

I said I needed to post something - so here’s something….

Listening: My Climb playlist - based off of “Climb” by Mos Def. This has to be some of the smoothest hip hop ever.

Reading: Re-reading Shackling Waters by Adam Mansbach. It deserves it.

Doing:  Going over my expenses for just one day and preparing myself for this weekend adventure.

Eating: Garbage. A ton of garbage. Otherwise a chipotle chicken sandwich from Burger King.

Drinking: approximately 32 ounces of water. I’ve been drinking soda all day and my face is glowing with evidence. It doesn’t help that I’m due for a visit to the hairdresser.

Wearing: that white thermal with the hole that looks like a stain because it’s not quite a hole yet. And those extra thick comfy black sweatpants that has too much keychain in it.

Feeling: almost completely overwhelmed. I’m overthinking. A little tired. Distracted - but only by things I ought be distracted by.

Weather: Parly cloudy skies. Clear mostly. 50­°F and the window fan is spinning steady. 

Wanting: My passion back. For everything. I hope this excursion helps with that. I need it bad.

Needing: To revisit my goals created earlier this year. I swear the amount of money I spent in the past month got me questioning the hypocrisy associated with this “minimalist” lifestyle of mine. (file under: call Tyra-Girl)

Thinking: Can I do something right while at work? Will they call me when I’m gone? How long will I sleep? Why does my calendar say “Nothingness” and I’ve been doing - “everything”. My fashion sense. My perception and regard to sex.

Enjoying: My clean clothes. My evening. 

that’s all.