It’s irritating. Snap, Crackle, Pop. The sound…. That singer Dwele talked about it he called it - - don’t wake the baby. Snap, Crackle, Pop.
The sounds that I hear The sounds of caps opening. Caps opening lips fluttering Voices indecipherable Pleasure indescribable And I just want some rest. But I got rice krispies down the hall. Bowls of them and the milk and mutha’fuckin honey that flows Leaves feel goods in the bathroom sink Residue in dress shoes and festering smells leaking off Kitchen radiators.
Bowls and bowls telling me… . Why don’t we chill no more. Because Rice Krispies are too busy being Cereal Killers. I lay with Eyes wide shut Mouths Closed parted in the stillness….. I hear footsteps by my quarters As more milk is poured down his back Of his dick… And straight into the bowl of it The sound of it The gore of it
I’m fucking narcoleptic With fits of insomnia Because the infidelity of it all Flesh on Flesh snapping Moaning voices crackling … and in the stillness of my room
Kellogg’s would need to consider re-marketing.
Cuz they ain’t got shit On the way This irritation Pulls out… .
“You’re single because you’re single. It’s not because you texted too much or too little or waited 33 minutes to respond because he took 23. It’s not because you met up with your ex that night at 5 a.m. that no one knows about, or because you kissed another boy after a date with a loser.
You’re not single because you spit food on that date or tripped coming out the the movie theatre. You’re not single because you hurt your first boyfriend really badly when you were 15 or because you have yet, to this day, to apologize. It’s not because you were secretly jealous when your friend got a boyfriend or that a guy you dated for two months now has a really cute girlfriend and looks really happy. And you’re happy for him. But still ill that he found someone before you.
You’re not single because you slept with your ex boyfriend. You’re not single because half the world found out when you didn’t even want to remember it yourself. You’re not single because you think the guy your friend wants to hook you up with is ugly or not tall enough. It’s not because you’re not willing to put up with someone who doesn’t brush their teeth on a regular basis.
You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.
You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now.”—Why You’re Single by Amanda Crute (via hiu-n)
….on down underground, like the metro do. When we head from West Cold Spring towards Mondawmin and everyone on the train talking on their cell phones say, “I’m about to go underground, I’ll call you back when I get to….hello?” And the train, like thunder, slips underground and the screams that it gives off in the tunnel……bitch we bout ta be like that. These pains and quixotic days, long elaborate daydreams and not so unicorn thoughts are all about to melt in the screams the way we slip around dark tunnels underground.
Social media signals are going to go out. Fuckas won’t be able to find me. Underground, under the radar, off the map, off the grid. But like metro - them bitches gon’ go on about they lives. Listen: they ain’t gonna think twice about you. They’ll call, leave voicemail messages, and then KNOW that you’ll call back. They’ll send texts and know that you’re around. They’ll take your life, your responses, your who you are for granted and never give a considerate fuck about where you are.
And when there’s that delay when the train won’t budge, that’s where your tarrying will take place. That’s where your ah ha moment will be. And you’ll find yourself slowly rising up escalators on some shit like GW/Foggy Bottom or Charles Center. It’ll be real slow and dramatic. And when you come from underground you’ll find yourself in a different place. Not rushed. Smartphone can’t find a signal that quick. And the silence and sounds will be like Mother Nature’s Urban Sister’s Mass choir. And you’ll be different.
And you can always get back to all those thirsty motherfuckers when you get time. When you feel like it.
Listening: my autumn playlist. these jazz standards are dope but i swear the classical pieces make the leaves fall even more graceful.
Watching: Heartbeats. But I’m not going to finish it. I keep imagining myself cuddled up with a blanket and cup of my chai with the windows completely open and watching this film. But every time I tell myself to make a cup of chai, I’m too full to enjoy it. Thanksgiving has been good to me and I swear I’ve been stuffed for the past three days.
Doing: Preparing for the 3 month hiatus. December - February. Spring and Autumn memoir. Don’t you forget it.
Drinking: Hot Cinnamon spice tea. I want one of those tea kettles that sit on tea lights. I don’t need it though.
Wearing: a black t-shirt. yup.
Feeling: You know - last night I pulled out my journal from when I was a senior in high school and read an entire entry on contentment and being happy with what I have. Being completely satisfied with going without and finding happiness in experiences instead of in the tangible. It was a bit overwhelming to see that even 13 years ago - I was talmbout this stuff.
I guess some things never change.
Weather: Overcast - 30°F and we’re supposed to go go-carting today.
Wanting: $2000 worth of electronics and some quiet.
Needing: Just the quiet.
Thinking: About the Sound of Noise, the iPad, the music, this day’s events, and the fact that my entire immediate family was completely split up on Thanksgiving.
Enjoying: what I’m listening to and what I’m drinking.
“Not every transition in life has a ceremony or occasion attached to it. … You may feel the need to be alone, or at least to avoid certain kinds of socializing. You may disappear for a while, and your friends wonder what has become of you. … Locking a door can be a ritual act in service of your privacy, which you may discover is necessary for the care of your dark night.”—Thomas Moore (via seabois)
i like being alone. and loneliness ain’t too much an issue. misunderstood however is a different beast and these two walked into the living room while i was watching the King’s Speech like i wouldn’t notice.
i’ve been away from church from so long, i actually feel that it’s normal for me to get up at 830a walk to the train, take it 40 minutes away from home to see a 1030 showing of a matinee movie tomorrow.
it’s 8:30 on saturday night. wtf.
i knew the plans i had for this evening would fall through. i just wish i made back up plans.
mannnnnnnn if i drove. all the thinks that you can think if you’re willing to try and fucking drive.
then urrrrrybody bitching about being secondhanded. what about my firsthandedness?
thanks to this guy for, apparently, spending enough time on my blog specifically, to peruse and acknowledge things that often go overlooked. i don’t post for attention but i noticed that all the original shit is slept on while the curated shit keeps on curating.
hence this… oh but now, i got all these followers and my solstice is coming.
Listening: A combination of my fall playlist and my evening lounge playlist. I have a ton of excitement and energy over this music.
Watching: I’m watching The Help (again). I tell you what: these movies about the history of African-Americans in this country have a great thread to them but I can only hear all the folks on tumblr pointing out the err and flaws with each film. It’s part of the reason that I haven’t seen 12 Years A Slave yet. (also because I have to have someone hold my hand in heavy movies like that sometimes…..only sometimes)
Doing: Just got finished planking for 35 seconds. Yesterday was more difficult but that was also because it was accompanied by push-ups.
Eating: my diet today - I had three bowls of peanut butter crunch and half a pack of Nathan’s. either i’m a bachelor like a boss or it’s time to go to the grocery store. I’m going to go with the former instead of the latter because I actually have a full meal I could’ve made but didn’t feel like it.
Drinking: what you know about fresh-out-the-freezer pepsi under a cold window fan when it’s 46° outside?
Wearing: I was going to say my favorite basketball shorts but their back story is moreso what I enjoy over the basketball shorts
Feeling: energetic over pepsi and music and …. shit. I think I might do some shots. no. don’t.
Weather: Negroes say it’s cold.
Wanting: toys. lots and lots of toys. it’s November - I owe Santa a list.
Needing: to stop acting like I’m a born and raised New Yorker who done arrived. nothing about any part of me says get that $700 outfit. nothing.
Thinking: 5 more minutes and the disappointment begins. *sigh*
Enjoying: if this robe had a bury feature i’d be so deep in it with some chai on the side.