There is a difference between blaming and shaming a person. Blaming is being told you did something wrong. Shaming is being told that there’s something wrong with you, and you’re worthless, bad, inferior or inadequate. Examples of shaming statements include:
Listening: XXYYXX. i mean i found them via iTunes but i’m only able to think of my queen etceterauniverse when i listen to them. because she’s the only other person that i know that playlisted them.
Watching: so i watched the Normal Heart today. and while i feel, on the surface, that Mark Ruffalo plays a gay horribly, the roles and the intensity of the movie really did move me. create an anger in me. not so much an anger but a desire to move something. i don’t know if that something is my ass or a mountain or everything in between — but i wanted to knock a planet off of its revolution to create a new way to balance shit. i wanted….different(ce).
Doing: every other day, my apartment manages to look like absolute shit and grimy and sad and as if a depressed person is the one managing the lease. so i gotta get this place extra straight, extra quick just in case some mid-late night company wanna come over and watch Archer -_- srsly.
Eating: about to smash a bacon cheeseburger. cuz i got it like that.
Drinking: ladies and gentlemen, i present to you, another disgustingly sober evening. a friday one. i just got in from a zipcar housewarming party and i had a beer there but…..the fuck is a beer.
Wearing: a oversized green polo shirt, jeans, black fitted. yeah all of this plus the beer definitely got me acting like a boy tonight. not that i act like a girl any other night. but - yeah. just know that i’m not about to #NoHetero this statement. even though i already did.
Feeling: sober as fuck. also bored. and frugal. because bored. and sober. because frugal.
Weather: it’s mostly cloudy and about 70°F. if you walk down the right block, between the right buildings, the sexiest spring breeze will stroke you up real good.
Wanting: to change all my feelings.
Needing: to hit the lottery. and not the big one. i don’t need to hit the mega millions or anything like that. i just need a good scratch off to slip me $500. i don’t need much. ever. just a little bit. to get by. i can wake up in the morning and appreciate the hell out of the sunrise and showering with daylight before splashing water up on my face. but if i had like $500 to add to that glorious feeling….all would be alright. you hear me, chile? all would be all right.
Thinking: she think we don’t need to do that much drinking in 45 minutes - i feel like we need to because “FEELINGS”. also - i’m about to take over some dashboards because i wanna post as much as i can before the summer (June) gets here.
Enjoying: my music. this weather. and the possibility of getting a drink tonight. (it’s not happening)
first of all i have a white impala and if anyone from the Los Angeles trip knows what white impalas are known for - you better pray for me.
got lost twice (before leaving the rental car parking lot — see first bullet)
Sweetie Pies was dope. I came. I did. Something touristy. And I moved on.
This hotel is absolutely incredible. It’s beautiful, very urban and hipster, QUITE minimal; you know it’s a must for things to be minimal.
there was a box of magnums on top of the gideon bible inside the nightstand. this hotel, if for no other reason, wins for that. oh and the incredible artwork too.
the concert - as always - made me cry. to actually hear signature Reich pulsing live in person from center house just moved me there. i couldn’t help but cry. and Carmina Burana is a very misunderstood piece. I feel that everyone should take the time to understand it before coining it demonic or archaic. The shit was written in ‘36. Can’t be but so archaic.
now i’m debating whether to get into some trouble or carry my geriatric ass to bed. i mean - after all - i did fall asleep two sections before the finale. but whatevs.
Saint Louis is treating me well so far. all. by. my. damn. self. (!!!) now - to save up my coins so that my house can look like HGTV within the next 6 months.
Listening: Santa Monica sirens are like the worst things ever. But Santa Monica is sooo incredibly nice. It gives me almost this Miami feel but I don’t think I’m entitled to make such a comparison because I’ve never been to Miami. And the Minimalist Jukebox Concert was dope. I hadn’t listened to the “Stay On It” by Julius Eastman in entirety until tonight. I’ll have to revisit it at home soon. Different Trains, quite similarly to Music for 18 Musicians, made me cry when it came to an end.
you know what’s weird. i talk about when i cry as often as i possibly can because i don’t feel like it happens often enough. not saying i wish i was overly sensitive or over-emotional. but sometimes i feel a really good release could do me some good. but anyway….
I left the concert early because my east coast body wasn’t ready for a 3 hour west coast classical showcase.
Watching: sunsets on the pier, HBO Series “Looking”, street performers, nude go-go boys leaning against poles, franksandbeanz making moves on a mechanical bull while completely intoxicated, and palm trees. i swear that was
Doing: texting a different person each day to try to figure out how to smoothly enjoy the trip. i swear this was the biggest inconvenience ever. in retrospect i realized i’d stayed at a different apartment every night while in L.A. we’ve been discussing a return in the near future just to redeem how weird and fucked up this trip was.
Eating: flirting with the girl Maggie at Jersey Mike’s as she hands me a peach tea, 800° Degrees margarita pizza with MEAT. I like my pizza meaty. It’s sexy. The Pie Hole macaroni and cheese pie with $7 watermelon juice; In & Out was mandatory and cornbread battered fried chicken was the best leftovers ever.
Drinking: sober. except for one day. completely sober. girl bye.
Wearing: shorts, t-shirts, and my first pair of new shoes in over a year.
Feeling: as mentioned, I was ready to come home when Day 2 arrived, but i can’t really say that was homesick. I just wish I felt more prepared for this trip.
Weather: I was in southern california — you tell me what the weather was like. and did you read what i was wearing?
Wanting: to go back to los angeles to do the trip all over again the way I’d really want to do it. making cameos instead of being the overnight “oh hai”.
Needing: los angeles traffic CAROL!
Thinking: about how there really were more positive ups than there were inconvenient downs. but the trip did have an unnecessary amount of anxiety attached to it. from beginning to end. the flights were nice though.